Non Turkey-Cookers Anonymous Group Now Forming
|November 14, 2013||Posted by Jennifer under I Miss My Mom, Mommyhooddom|
There should be a support group for people like me – Middle-Aged Non Turkey-Cookers Anonymous. MANTOOKA for short. Cause that’s catchy.
“Hi, my name is Jennifer. I’m 40… ish… and I’ve never cooked a turkey.”
Now, I’ve nuked a pre-cooked breast, but I’ll be the first to admit… that’s just not the same.
I feel so bad about myself. Having some support from my fellow MANTOOKers (you know who you are) sure would be helpful this time of year.
We could sit in a circle and go around the room telling our stories. Maybe Emeril would come give us a pep talk. We might see about getting a video podcast pick-me-up from Rachael Ray. I wonder if Martha would send her love, if she had any extra lying around the last Thursday of the month.
Stuffing would come on sporks. You could get a sliver of turkey on one of those festive cocktail toothpicks with the miniature plastic streamers wound around one end in return for a small love offering.
The smell of pumpkin pie wafting through the ventilation system in our rented strip mall meeting space would take us back to happier days—days when someone else used to cook the turkey for us.
We might start to feel human.
We could tweet our epiphanies.
It could work — if only someone like Lowe’s or Home Depot would send us a test kitchen. (Of course, we can meet virtually if that works better for you.)
I really do think it’s time I learned how to cook a turkey. I mean, I have a family now. I need to know how to cook a real, raw 15-pound Butterball of a turkey with white slimy skin and innards you have to reach in and pull out before you cook it. Why? I have no idea. But I’ve seen it done.
Even though I loved it, Thanksgiving by Mom was always a little frustrating for me. It was like speed-dating the ladies at the grocery store who hand out free samples. I never got more than one teaspoon of each delicious, piping hot dish. There were just too many.
Every Thanksgiving my Mom always made turkey, fried corn, mashed potatoes, green beans, two kinds of Jell-O salad, homemade rolls, stuffing, giblet gravy, cranberry sauce, candied yams, cinnamon bundt cake, and three kinds of pie (chocolate, pumpkin and pecan all made from scratch including the crust).
Yes, she was a rock star. And she’d be very proud if I could pull off her signature Thanksgiving meal all right!
Yeah, not gonna happen.
It intimidates the H-E double L out of me to even think about putting together a meal of that magnitude.
I’d have to start now for Thanksgiving 2014, cook all winter, freeze some of the stuff that turned out not poisonous and then set my alarm for August so I could get up early enough to start cooking turkeys one right after the other til one turned out edible and had reached 160 degrees or 190, or whatever poultry is supposed to heat up to. Let’s call it 185.
Something tells me we’d still need a table at China King on Thanksgiving Day. Egg roll, Baby B?
Fa, ra, ra, ra, ra… ra, ra, ra, ra.
God I miss my mom!!!
What are you doing the last Thursday of the month? Wanna meet up?